Never Again
by Terrible Temptation
Summary: ONESHOT. Kurama comes home to find the one he cherishes the most is dying. Can he find it within himself to finally say goodbye?


_Rei says:_ Hooray! My second story on FanFiction! And before Christmas, too. This is a miracle. -loves-  
This story was a pain to type. I would type like a madperson every chance I got to finish it...because I wanted to get it done before Christmas for you guys. Sort of like an early Christmas present, y'know? I hope you guys enjoy.  
It is a oneshot, but it's pretty long. I hope you guys take the time to read it and give it a review.  
It's sad. I cried typing it.

For now, Rei is _o-u-t._  
Au revoir!

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* * *

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**NEVER AGAIN**

I was aching all over.

My muscles were screaming; each step I took caused more pain. On the outside, I didn't look too bad; there were only a few scrapes, cuts, and bruises here and there…I was only really hurting on the inside. Nothing was broken, thankfully. I was freezing, wearing no jacket, no warmer clothes…in the middle of winter. But it didn't matter. I cared nothing for my well-being; I just wanted to go home.

It's been so long...although it was only four months, it felt more like years. I've been away from everyone far too long, on a mission Koenma had given me to do – alone. I would elaborate more, but I cannot say anymore other than it took a lot out of me. A few run-ins with some demons in the Makai and I'm in this condition? Surely, I must be softening, you must think, but it was nothing like that. I had gotten careless towards the end, so bent on seeing Taji – my Taji – that I had let them get the best of me.

I imagined her face, her entire face just lighting up – the way I have pictured it in my head so many nights to help me get to sleep – when she sees me walk in the door. I would give her a kiss, I would embrace her, tell her I loved her. I would promise to never leave again. Then she would laugh, scolding me gently that I needed to have Yukina tend to the wounds I had gotten.

"Taji," I whispered aloud. Saying her name brought me comfort. I imagined her face, her brown hair, her kind ice blue eyes…no other human has touched my heart more. I couldn't imagine seeing life without her. In just a few minute's time, I would see her again. "Taji…I'm coming home."

* * *

I had long since moved out of my mother's place. I lived in an apartment now, with Taji. It was only the two of us. A smile touched my lips. I inhaled the wintry air deeply as I headed up the steps to the apartment.

Almost immediately I swung the door open, expecting to see Taji sitting there quietly, sipping tea, watching the television in her pajamas. But instead…there was silence. I stepped into the house quietly.

"Taji?" I called out. I didn't hear an answer. My eyes quickly scanned the room. Everything seemed fine, just as it had been the day I left. So what…

I spotted what appeared to be a lump on the couch, covered by massive amounts of blankets. A head poked up, looking at me dumbly, her mouth open in shock. My heart skipped a beat.

"Oh my Kami…" She breathed. "I'm dreaming, I know I am." Taji went on to bang her hands over her head a few times. I smiled, probably the first real smile in four months. "Kurama? Gods, is that really you?"

She nearly fell off the couch trying to get to me. I opened my arms and let her run into me, exhaling all my fears, my worries. She grasped me tightly, her face buried into my neck. It felt so good to hold her again…

"I'm home."

* * *

_ And that night, in the silence of the house, I gave her everything. _

* * *

The next morning I opened my eyes slowly, shutting them instantly. If last night was just a dream, I didn't want to wake up.

"Good morning, sleepyhead." I heard Taji say. I smiled; my eyes still closed, and wrapped my arms around her. She gave a little sigh, closing her eyes again. "I missed you so much," she said softly. I nuzzled my face into her hair.

"I missed you too." I said, and I meant it with my whole heart. Being apart from Taji made me realize how much I loved her even more. Last night, as we became one, I could hardly describe what I was feeling. It was amazing, being so close to one person. There was no one who I would love more than Taji, I knew it deep down inside.

I felt her try to wriggle out of my grasp. "Don't go…stay for a little while longer." I murmured, still half-asleep. She sighed.

"We can't. Yusuke and the others found out you're home and they're coming over soon." She said, and I lifted open one eye lazily, seeing her throwing around her clothes in her drawers, trying to find something to wear.

"We'll tell them to come later," I replied. I turned over, propping myself up on my elbows, watching her.

She turned to me, smiling. "You should get some clothes on, yourself," she said, "what would Yusuke and the others say if they saw you naked?"

I had to smile at that. She slipped some socks on, turning to me. "Come on, Lazy." She gave me a kiss, and before she could pull away I kissed her back. Taji grinned. "It's almost noon, you'd better get up. They're coming in a few minutes."

"It's noon already?" I asked. We'd been asleep for a long time…but it made sense, I guess. After two months, we were finally together again, and we could rest easy.

"Kurama!" I heard Yusuke yell. I turned (rest assured, I was out of bed and wearing clothes by this time) and smiled.

"Yusuke, it's good to see you." I said, and I meant that. Two months in the Makai can change you more than if you had left your own home for, say, the city for years. Finally being home again, I would have happy to see anyone at this point. Kuwabara came up behind me and clapped me on the back.

"It's been forever, man." He said, and I nodded. I looked over in the corner, spotting the all-too-familiar blackened form of Hiei.

"Hiei." I said, cocking my head to one side. The koorime looked as bored as always, but I knew better. "Come on, you missed me."

"Of course I did," he replied harshly. "You left me alone with these ningens, you bastard."

"But you had me to keep you company for a little bit," Taji said, coming into the conversation. Hiei didn't reply. I smiled and gave her a peck on the cheek.

They stayed for an hour, maybe more. When they left, Taji and I enjoyed the silence together, watching the snow falling out the window, in each other's arms.

* * *

It was a week later, and suddenly I was called away to the Spirit World. Taji was just as confused as I was, but I left all the same, telling her I'd be back shortly. What did Koenma want now?

I opened the huge doors that led into Koenma's office, letting them swing back and crash into the walls behind it. Koenma looked up from where he sat, drowning in piles of papers, startled.

"Oh, Kurama. I've been expecting you." He said, shoving some papers out of the way so he could see me better. I slid my hands into my pockets, waiting to hear what he had to say. "I need you to do something for me."

When he was done explaining, I wanted to say 'no', I had been gone already for so long, but it was no use. Koenma wanted it done. I had to go to the Makai, again. How would I explain to Taji that I had to leave all over again? I sighed, exasperated. It seems I can't really relax, ever, can I?

The day I had to leave, Taji was in tears. We had just returned to each other, and now I had to go away again. Leaving her again broke my heart, but I really had no choice…

"I'll be back before you know it," I said, trying to lift her spirits. She nodded, smiling, but inside I knew she was breaking. I gathered her in my arms, holding her close to me. "This is hard on me too, Taji," I breathed. "I don't want to go either."

"I know," she said. She tightened her grip on me. "I know."

We stood like that for a while, until at last I pulled away, kissing her deeply. "I love you," I said. She smiled, and I saw her blue eyes sparkling.

"I love you too," she whispered.

And with that, I left the apartment, left the human world, and headed off for the Makai.

* * *

_Two months later…_

I was in worse condition than last time, my arm almost completely useless. But I was happy, despite everything. For I was walking up the steps into the apartment I had left behind for two months.

But something was different, off. Something was wrong. I knew it even before I stepped into the room.

"Taji?" I called out, but got no answer. My eyes quickly swept over the room, but everything was the same, normal, just as it had been two months ago. I sighed. Where was Taji? I walked into the house, holding my injured arm, calling Taji's name.

Our bedroom door opened, and, to my surprise, I saw Yukina step out. She turned and saw me. "Kurama-san," she said, and in her red eyes I saw that she was troubled. "Kurama-san, your arm!" She gasped, seeing the blood seeping through the fabric of my sleeve. I shook my head impatiently.

I grasped her lightly by the shoulders. "Yukina, what's going on? Where's Taji?" I saw her look away, debating over what to say. After what seemed like forever, her eyes met mine again.

"She's inside, Kurama-san…but…" Yukina put a hand to her temple. "Ever since you left, she's been in awful condition…none of us know how, or why. I'm trying, Kurama-san, but I can't break her fever…If this goes on like this-,"

I didn't hear her complete her sentence, for without waiting, I opened the door Yukina had exited. My breath hitched – for there, lying on the bed – was Taji.

Her hair was splayed out on a pillow - framing her deathly pale face. She was moaning quietly – oh, ever so quietly – her forehead dotted with perspiration. I nearly cried, seeing her in this condition. All my wounds have been forgotten; I could no long feel anything. I was numb. To come home and see her in this condition…

I sat on the stool Yukina had been using, taking Taji's hand in my own. I shuddered – her hand was freezing. "Taji," I called out to her softly. If she heard, she didn't seem to notice. "Taji, I'm home."

I don't know how long I sat there, holding her hand, waiting for her to wake up. I must have been there for hours.

"Taji…" I whispered.

I saw her eyelids flutter, and slowly they opened. Her eyes had changed – they were no longer the clear blue they used to be. Now, it seemed as if they were glazed over, cloudy.

"Kurama...?" I heard her say. Her voice was hoarse, cracked. She smiled, and I gripped her hand all the more tightly, if it were even possible. "Kurama, you're home…" She gave what sounded like a gasp. "You're bleeding."

"Shh," I said, placing a finger to her lips. My heart soared to hear her voice, but I knew that she needed to save her strength. She tried to sit up, but she was too weak. I brushed some strands of hair out of her face, wincing at the intense heat I felt as my fingers grazed her forehead.

"I'm so glad to see you…" She said, her eyes closing again. Her fingers tightened around mine ever so gently. I smiled warmly. "I missed you," she said.

"I missed you too," I whispered fiercely. All the words in the world couldn't describe how much I had missed her. I was only gone for two months, but…

She gave a little sigh, and I saw she had fallen asleep. I smiled a little, feeling my eyelids start to close as well. Just then, the door opened.

Yukina came in, with bandages for my arm. I sat there quietly, ignoring the pain I felt as she disinfected the wound, bandaging it tightly to stop the flow of blood. She was just as silent as I was.

"Kurama-san, you should get some sleep. It's late." Yukina said. As she placed a wet cloth on Taji's forehead, she looked over at me. "Kurama-san, please. You've been away for so long. You need a good night's rest. Taji-chan will be watched over by me. If anything goes wrong – I pray nothing will, but all the same – I will get you." She nodded to herself, patting the cloth lightly.

I knew it was pointless to argue with her, but…

After a few moments I sighed, slowly getting up off the stool. "You win." Yukina smiled, but it was gone quickly as she heard Taji moan. I turned from the door, hesitating, my eyes never leaving Taji's face. Exhaustion nearly overtook me as I gripped the doorframe to keep myself standing. I stood there for the longest time, until slowly, ever so slowly, I turned away.

After changing into some loose clothes, I headed over to the couch, taking some extra blankets and pillows from the closet, my mind racing. I knew I would feel all my injuries the following morning, but as for the moment, I didn't really care. The image of Taji's face, so pale, floated around my mind. I put my hands to my temples, sitting down on the couch. I could hear Taji's voice from the other room. She wasn't speaking, but I could hear her moans…each one tore at my heart like daggers, ripping and shredding the pieces carelessly. They kept me up, until at least midnight – yes, it had to have been midnight.

When I fell asleep, I had awful nightmares. Nightmares where I was running, chasing Taji…but she was so far away I couldn't reach her, just as she was falling, shattering to tiny pieces.

* * *

I awoke after sleeping for barely three hours, hearing Yukina calling my name. I nearly fell off the couch; I was trying to reach her so quickly. I threw open the door, my hair in disarray, my eyes must have been bloodshot and weary…I looked like a madman.

Yukina came over to me, whispering quickly in a hushed tone. "I'm worried for Taji-chan. Kurama-san, she's gotten worse. If this keeps up, I don't know what'll happen…" Her eyes welled up in tears. "She's calling for you, Kurama-san." Some tears spilled over her cheeks, hardening and landing to the floor with a _clack. _

I nodded to her, gently brushing past her as I headed over to the bed where Taji lay. My whole body had grown cold; I was so afraid…so scared I might actually lose her. I slowly set myself down on the bed, careful not to hurt her. I took one of her clammy hands into my own. "Taji…"

Her eyes opened just a little, locking into my gaze. She seemed to calm down, just a little bit, by seeing me. If possible, she looked even worse than she had been a few hours ago. I heard Yukina's voice, echoing in my ears.

"Kurama-san, we're losing her," she whispered shakily, and I heard the _clacks_ of more tear gems falling to the ground. I stopped, my blood ran cold.

"You don't mean that, Yukina. There must be-," I turned to her, frantic, but I saw her head shake slowly, her bangs covering her eyes.

"I can't do anything more, she's fighting, but she's not winning…" She answered, and then covered her face with her hands.

I think I lost it then. I couldn't see straight, I couldn't move. I was frozen, I was nothing. It was a lie. Taji couldn't be dying, she just couldn't be. Yukina was wrong…wrong…

"Kurama…" I heard Taji's voice, and immediately it brought me back.

"Taji, Taji I'm here, I'm here," I said, my heart cracking. I couldn't lose her, I couldn't.

She whimpered. "Kurama, I'm fighting, I'm fighting for you, but…but I can't hold on." She said with great difficulty, and I saw the tears sliding gently down the sides of her face, staining the pillow with moisture. My eyes clouded, tears blurring my vision. My breath hitched.

"Taji, be strong, you're going to be all right. Be strong…" I said, over and over, until I couldn't speak. She smiled softly, shaking her head. Her eyes opened, her eyes hadn't regained their deep blue color. They watched me for the longest time. I was so afraid, so desperately afraid of losing her, I would have done anything, if it meant saving her life. I would have gladly taken my own, without any hesitation. I know it sounds foolish, but if you were in my position, I'm sure you would have felt the same exact way.

A few minutes passed this way, with me holding onto her hands for dear life, encouraging her to hold on, with her shaking her head, crying. I was shaking all over, feeling cold…the feeling of cold that no amount of heat will ever warm you up again, ever. Yukina had left the room, leaving the two of us alone…but I could still hear the sound of her tear gems clattering to the floor in the other room.

Suddenly she gasped, as if losing her air, and I froze, my eyes never leaving hers. She grasped my hand tighter, crying. "Kurama…!" She screamed, and I felt hot tears gliding down my face, knowing I couldn't do anything to end her suffering. It was then that I gathered her into my arms, stroking her hair, rocking back and forth.

"I love you, Taji, I love you. Stay with me. What would I do without you?" I cried softly into her ears, refusing to believe what was happening.

"I can't," she answered me, muffled by my shirt. She was dying, right before me.

And then – everything was silent. Taji went limp in my arms. I stopped, the tears still falling. Slowly I set her back down onto her pillow, completely numb. My hands sought that one spot on her neck, taking her pulse. My arm slipped back to my side, almost without thinking about it. Taji was dead. Outside, the snow kept falling.

I collapsed onto her and cried.

* * *

_One year later…_

I've come to hate the snow. It brought back memories.

It was one year since I lost Taji; one year since the one I had cherished more than anything else in the world had left me, cruelly leaving me behind. I felt lonelier than I had ever been in my entire life.

It's amazing. Losing someone so close to you makes you reevaluate everything you've ever thought about life. I've certainly grown colder, which no one may have expected. I never got close to anyone else like I had with Taji again. It was like, after losing Taji, I had lost myself as well. She had taken a piece of me with her when she went up above, a part of me that I would never regain.

"You loved her, didn't you?" I heard Hiei's voice, surprisingly soft. I turned slowly, smiling sadly.

"I did, Hiei." I responded, lifting my face up into the heavens, hoping somewhere up there Taji was watching me, making sure I was okay. I'm not okay, I wanted to tell her. I want you back, more than anything.

_More than anything…_

"Sure, she wasn't one of us. She was a human. But she seemed to understand things better than we did. When I told her about me, who I really was…you know what she did?" I asked, watching Hiei with sad eyes. "She smiled. She didn't look afraid; she didn't turn away and leave me. She stayed. And that made me love her all the more." Hiei said nothing, but kept his eyes on me. I sighed. "I wouldn't have traded her for anything. I would have gone into the very depths of the Makai if it meant getting her back again." At this, Hiei scowled, but I didn't care. I looked up to the sky again; the snowflakes falling into my hair, on my shoulders…it blanketed the world, suffocating it. I hated the snow. It reminded me of that day…

"It gets better, you know," Hiei said. "At first you may feel like you'll never love again, but soon enough, you will, and Taji will become a memory."

I shook my head, smiling. "That's where you're wrong, Hiei. Taji may be gone, but she'll never be just a 'memory'. She'll always be more."

I wouldn't see Taji again. I knew that. Never again would I hear her voice, hear her laughter, feel her warm embrace. Never again would I come home to someone who loved me more than life itself.

In time, I wouldn't hurt as much, but all the same…

_Never again._


End file.
